You guys put what in the where?

baby, gender

So I know what you’re thinking. You’re thinking “Max, trans guys can’t get anyone pregnant. Just how did this happen?”

Well I have two answers for two different groups of people.

Short answer for people who don’t actually care and are just trying to feel inferior in their biological superiority of being able to have children “naturally” blah blah aren’t you special etc: I am a wizard and I grew sperms. Fuck you.

Longer answer for people who actually care and/or are in a similar situation: MDL and I used intravaginal insemination at home with a known donor. It’s a lot less technical than it sounds, and purposefully so. I just like the big words.

Your typical, socially accepted LGBT let’s-make-a-baby narrative involves going to the doctor, having to answer a lot of questions about your health, lifestyle, and intentions, taking fertility drugs whether or not you actually need them, poring over pictures in the sperm database with starry eyes, lying on a table with a paper sheet while the doctor does his thing, and somehow not caring about the sheer invasiveness of the entire experience.

Basically, we’ve had enough experiences with doctors in various of areas medicine that we decided we didn’t need some shit head with a God complex ordering us around. We didn’t need to be told MDL was too fat to conceive (she’s not, but she is also not within the narrow guidelines expected by fertility doctors), we didn’t need any unnecessary drugs thrown in our faces by someone who has never taken them and doesn’t understand the side effects, we didn’t need our high fat/low carb/sushi loving eating habits judged by someone who has never actually studied nutrition. Too much of medicine, especially in women’s health, is based on tradition and has nothing to do with science. As a nurse in women’s health, MDL knows exactly what we would be going through. She sees the process women are put through every day at work. It is the epitome of patriarchy controlling women’s bodies. We are Not Into That.

And we really didn’t need to pay thousands of dollars to conceive. So many people have the privilege to do this in their homes for free, without drugs, without supervision, without judgment, while actually having fun, and we weren’t about to let being queer take that away from us. MDL had success conceiving without medical intervention three times before and there wasn’t any reason to believe it wouldn’t work. She drank FertiliTea and tracked her ovulation for a while. We did look into sperm banks, but we had an offer from a friend for free semen without trying to steal the baby later, so we went for it.

This was not necessarily the most legally sound decision, and I know people who have had these types of agreements go wrong. This is not something I would put out as a blanket recommendation to everyone. However, this was the right decision for us. Our donor is very close to our family. He visits frequently and we are updated on his life. We know for sure what he looks like, what his personality is like, what his family is like, and we can ask any medical questions at any point. This child will be able to have a relationship with him and won’t have any “where did I come from?” questions that can’t be answered. We are very privileged to have someone like this in our lives, as some people are forced to use a sperm bank. This was a purposeful decision, and after weighing our different options, nothing else felt right.

Anyway, there was no turkey baster involved, and it’s crude of you to ask that, people in the first group. The semen was ejaculated into an Instead disposable menstrual cup and my partner inserted it into her vagina. We left it there for a while, whatever was recommended by people who make recommendations on these things, I forget. And during that time, we did what everyone else does when they are trying to conceive. Which was good, because the semen gave MDL cramps that needed to be relieved.

And then the next day we did it again, just to make sure. Somehow, we were lucky enough that this one cycle was all it took. (Also, we still have some extra FertiliTea, if anyone needs it!)

TL;DR It was pretty much the same as everyone else. Sorry to disappoint you.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s